Monday, February 9, 2009

The end of slavery!

So, we ended slavery in this country. Good for us! We even gave those slaves the right to vote (...eventually). Now look at us! We elected a black guy (I'll change when you do, BET!) president! (not a decedent of any domestic slaves though) AWESOME. How the hell can we possibly pat ourselves on the back enough? Our arms and shoulders won't be able to withstand the punishment that that the kind of back patting needs! Nay! I say DEMANDS!

Well, I have some bad news. It's all a LIE! A sweet, sweet lie! We didn't end slavery. We EXPORTED IT. It got a little too gross to see in our own back yard, what with the whipping and the chopping off of the toes, so we shipped it off to Asia and south of our boarders. When we feel magnanimous (and lazy), we let some sneak back in to take care of the work that "Americans won't do."

Who says? Do other races have less inherent dislike for menial labor? I've had jobs washing dishes, frying chicken and doing general construction labor. Is it because I'm part Italian? No one would say that because that's racist.

Well when I'm king racism like this will be OVER. We've got plenty of uneducated people of all ethnicities right here that are prime candidates for crappy jobs... but wait...

Are those jobs actually crappy? Or do the people who do them just get crappy money?

I actually had some fun flick'n chicken for the man. There's nothing really wrong with a simple job that doesn't require much brain power. You don't take that work home with you, that's for sure. In Japan I saw lots of fast food workers and they seemed proud of their work no matter what they were doing. The only bad part was I made $3.35 an hour doing it... oh and the fact that your hair smells like the Colonel's secret recipe even after a good shower. Many yell, "If they paid workers more the business would not be viable!" To those people I yell back, "Fuck you, jerks!"

We have a system that makes sure wages are low, not so a business is viable or even profitable, but so that some shareholder's stock value will remain high and yield a good dividend. What will they do with that dividend money? They'll have illegal immigrants build them an addition to their homes and pay them $5 an hour to do it. They will then furnish those homes with things made in Chinese sweat shops to people who make $5 a month. Then, to wrap it all up, they will complain that they're taxes are too high because they have to pay welfare and unemployment benefits.

Am I the only person who finds this totally idiotic?

Many will call me a protectionist, but to them I say "screw you." I'm da king! It's the job of a king to protect his people! I won't do it by things like willy nilly tax benefits to companies in my kingdom, I'll do it by making people all over the world free again. Want to trade with Markolia? Then your companies will have to provide their workers with a standard of life that allows them to live and work with dignity. I'll have really smart people (if you're reading this you may be one!) police companies like Nike to make sure that all workers conform to what I'll call my USI. (Universal Standard of Living). This will make imported goods more expensive, because shipping isn't free, but that's OK because people working for Nike may now be able to afford to buy the shoes they make. Wait, what will happen if they can use the stuff they're making? We may have to actually make our own!

When the dust settles (and there's always dust) The only people who'll be worse off are the 19 super wealthy guys running the conglomerates. They'll still be rich, just not as rich. Maybe just very well off. I don't want to remove incentive for people to start business, in fact, if they know they won't get trampled by a deluge of cheap foreign imports a lot more people will start their own business. The idea isn't to stop people from being able to become super rich, it's to create an environment where more people can become somewhat rich and most people can afford to feed themselves and see a movie from time to time. Oh, and if you start complaining about the lack of inexpensive animatronic Big Mouth Billy Bass wall plaques that sing "Don't Worry Be Happy." I'm going to smack you.

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