Friday, May 22, 2009

On a routine expedition...

OK, it's been a while. Not really sure why. I'm as ranty as ever, I've just been more focused on work and when I get home, fun times with the wife and, of course, my little electro-music-laboratory (pronounced la-boar-a-tory, like a west European mad scientist would say it)

But a little nice little reply to an older post (thanks Jill!) got me thinking I should release another rant to the universe. Something has been irking me too. It's the regurgitation of my craptastic childhood TV shows into bad new movies.

You might say, well they were bad in the first place... and you'd be right... but they were crappy in a special way. The way Sid and Marty Krofft intended them to be... hastily made schlock to fill up time between Lucky Charms commercials. They knew we had nothing else, so we sat hypnotized as each week, grown men in rubber suits pretended to be sea monsters, proto-man, dragons and, of course hats. Hats? What the fuck were Sid and Marty smoking? Let's just hope that all those shows were the result of a psychedelic infused drug stupor, greed and laziness. All I can say is, if they were actually trying to make quality programs and the notion that Ruth Buzzy in space would be an awesome idea for a show, these guys need to be punished severely for their creations....

... but I loved them so. The love that can really only be called nostalgia for a time when work meant getting beaten up at school and dodging stupid arithmetic homework. Times were simple and the TV that filled up our brains was even simpler. Oh I have a great idea for a TV show! We'll make a cartoon about an ape... that's purple. He only says, "Grape Ape." Awesome.

So now, we've got Will Ferrell pooping all over one of the best of the crappy shows from my childhood: Land Of The Lost. Don't get me wrong, when he played the character Marshall Willenholly in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, I "got it." Now it has gone too far. Booby jokes in my Land Of The Lost? FUCK YOU WILL FERRELL!

So hear ye, hear ye. When I am king all my subjects will be required to respect the tone and soul of the crap they're recreating (like the expertly done recent Speed Racer movie) or prove to me that an update will be an improvement, like the latest take on Battlestar Galactica. You can't just take a campy crap 70s TV show and make it into a formulaic "Oh look it's Will Ferrell in another impossible role" piece of shit. When I'm king, if he does this again I'm going to make him play different take on Edward Scissorhands where he's got hammers instead of scissors and he beats himself about the head all through the movie. Yes, he will do his own stunts too.