Friday, January 16, 2009


Boy oh boy, it's a big weekend. Battlestar Galactica starts up again and we get a president that to the naked eye appears to be smart, honorable and an awesome public speaker. I'm hoping that it's such a stark comparison to the jerky, smarmy, weasleface mushmouth he's replacing that the nation is bathed in a warm golden glow and we all act like dot com employees on Ecstasy at a rave for the whole weekend.

This is exactly why when I'm KING Obama will be appointed president.

"What what what?" you may say. "Why bother with a president when you're king?!" Well, I don't plan on being a tyrannical king. I'm hoping to actually improve things and part of my vast wisdom is that I'm sure I'm going to come across a lot of crap that I won't know how to deal with. I'll probably mostly ignore his pleas to dismantle the public stockades and other humiliation punishments I'll be enacting, but I feel it would be nice to have an opposing opinion from time to time. You know, someone to say, "Do you really think that running a tube from Chaney's butt into GW's mouth and from GW's mouth back into Chaney's mouth creating a mobius loop of excrement is a fair punishment for their war crimes?" (I'm thinking that may be a little light of a sentence)

Also, Obama seems like a dude I'd like to hang with from time to time. He and his family are really personable and good looking and let's face it, I'm going to probably want to avoid the public a lot and I know my subjects are going to want to see Obama and his cute kids picking out dogs, getting reprimanded for hosting keggers in the White House (in a few years, of course) and doing things that make the masses feel like everything is going to be all right while destracting them from me.


txdemjen said...

Loving the benevolent king concept. I would ask for queen, but that would 1) take away the rightful spot from she whom we all know would really be in charge anyway and 2) "asking" would be an affront to all the feminists and gay bottoms (I'm gonna catch hell for that one when you hit it big) who look up to me. I suppose I'll just let you have your reign and arrange for your assassination at the appropriate time. Chin up - if you do a fabulous job, perhaps I'll just succumb and enjoy your rule.

The Cheney/Bush punishment is brilliant and vile if not a step short (as you admitted)of what is required. We shall work on extensions. I do acknowledge the genius of the start of the plan.

zerocrossing said...

Yeah, I haven't worked out how I'm going to avoid having my Queen call the shots. She already commented that I was going a bit too far on the punishment descriptions and I bet we're going to have a ton of arguments all based on my torture policies. I did get her to agree that it was OK to use bacon and other pork products in getting information out of Muslim terrorists, but how is that kind of thing going to work against someone like Bush who we all know really doesn't believe in the religion he uses as an excuse to commit atrocities? I'm open to suggestions.