Thursday, January 15, 2009

Leaf Blowers

When I'm king I shall outlaw leaf blowers. Stop being so damn lazy and just rake the leaves. Leaf blowers are far too noisy, energy wasting and in the end just blow dust and debris around which ends up going in my eyes when I'm riding my bike around, which I still hope to do when I'm KING. Oh yeah, and if you're caught using one of those gas powered scooters or skateboardy type things it shall be impounded, destroyed and you will be stripped naked and force to write "I'm a jerk" on your naked body with lipstick 100 times on live TV. Howard Stern will host.

Come to think of it, when I'm king I'll have my town's roads closed to non human powered vehicles on days when I feel like cruising around on my bike. Maybe one day a week I'll change the name of the day to Bikeday and on that day only human powered vehicles will be allowed. Maybe on Tuesday or Thursday because I'm definitely going to change one of those day's names because it's retarded that with all the letters in the alphabet we have 2 days out of seven that start with the same letter. Screw you Thursday. Your name is ugly sounding anyway. GONE.

That does point into the whole problem with the fossil fuels. I think I have a handle on this one too. First of all, buses, cabs and other fleet vehicles have been using Natural Gas for a long time. When I'm king I will declare that Markovia (Marklichstein?) vehicle companies will only be able to make vehicles that use domestic resources as fuel. That means if we can only generate 10% of what we need to fuel traditional gas vehicles then I'll hire some fancy math guy to figure out what your take of that can be.

All the money the U.S. has been wasting in the middle east will not go to actually developing and deploying things like solar, wind, geothermal, hydroelectric and safe nuclear energy systems. My hope is that then all the OPEC countries can go back to what they're really good at doing: Inventing forms of math (I'm looking at you algebra!) and herding goats. Oh yeah, and man I enjoy a good date in my granola. Granola helps your reading scores!

1 comment:

zerocrossing said...

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I'm not just blowing hard, I actually bought a natural gas vehicle recently when I needed a car. I'm stunned that no one is pointing to this as a solution as it's exactly like a Honda Civic ( except you have to gas it up more often. (which you can do at home if you have a Natural Gas line and a special converter)