Martin Landau, you're in BIG trouble!

Well, we've gone and done it again. We've schmutzed up the oceans, the land and the air and now we've achieved human kind's greatest accomplishment: Space Pollution. It's no surprise, but I'm still stunned that for as much as we talk about fixing the problems of our ignorant past, we're making exactly the same problems all over again. It's not like we don't have fair warning either. In 1975 ITC made it abundantly clear that if we load up space (in this case our moon) with garbage (radioactive waste) it's only a matter of time before some drunk space redneck crashes a ship into it propelling the moon on a madcap race though the galaxy full of adventure and wonderment.

What they failed to illustrate in this awesome show was that the people Martin Landau and Barbara Bain left behind, here on earth, were not only probably much more attractive people, but doomed to extinction. I bet the moon's good for a lot more than just regulating menstrual cycles and tides. The moon does all sorts of good stuff. Turning humans into werewolves, if they're so inclined, and more importantly giving us an already too short 24 hour day. Without the moon to help slow us down who knows how fast we may go? The gravitational pull of the moon getting ripped out of orbit may send us on a crazy orbit with effects we can only guess at. Well, only I can guess at. Katrin, if you're reading this could you write a physics simulation on what would happen if an Eagle space craft smashed into a radioactive dump on the moon? Thanks!

Whatever the results of actual scientific exploration on this topic may be, I'm going to cut to the chase and say it'll suck. Surely if an explosion would be strong enough to propel the moon through 2 and a half seasons of adventure would scatter debris the size of a Buick around space and some of those chunks would smash into us and there would be nothing that Bruce Willis could do about it.

So. We should already know that garbage in space is bad. We were clearly showed this in the 70 at a time when people used slide rules to figure out stuff and men wore mustaches. Yet here we are fucking it up. What the hell is wrong with us? When I'm king I will not stand for space pollution! I'm already working on a commercial that will depict a wise alien watching China blow up a satellite with a missile. The alien will turn orange, but they'll be subtitles letting us know that that's how beings from their planet show sadness due to lack of anything like tear ducts.

Billy, don't be a hero!

You know what today is? Garbage day! But now garbage day is a lot different than it was when I was a child. Back in the day, garbage was garbage and recycling wasn't something that got picked up, but something that you brought to someone else... and they gave you cash for it!

I guess it kind of works like that now... except you don't get the cash. The homeless guy who goes though your recycling making a mess tossing bits around to find the juicy nuggets, gets the money. Like the good citizens they are they take that money and spend it on drugs and lessons on how to curse at invisible people and poop yourself.

I'm going to keep it short today, but here it is (ye) When I am king it will be illegal to go though people's garbage or recycling. It will be illegal to have a shopping cart to.. just like now! Except when I'm king that cop that's pulling you over for doing a rolling right when no one is around won't be pulling you over, they'll be arresting people for stealing shopping carts.

I know this all sounds draconian, and maybe it is, but I'm sick of it. When I didn't have money for drugs I did what every kid would do, I got a paper route. I even walked it and made sure all the papers when in mailboxes. I'd collect my $1.35 a week and with my cut I'd buy Tastey Kakes French Apple Pies (west coast, you don't known what you're missing) Cherry Slurpees and LSD. The point is, I wasn't a mentally ill person (except for the times I was tripping) who hadn't showered since Carter was president pushing around a shopping cart though quite neighborhoods at 6:00 AM. It's so damn depressing.

Also, when I'm king there won't be any homeless. Does anyone believe that the homeless people wandering around are just down on their luck? If you're angry at me now, please read this.

Are you back yet? I lived near NYC though that controversy and here we are 20 plus years later still at the same place. Billy just wanted the right to act bat shit crazy on the streets of NYC, that's all. How dare we lock her up for her life choices! HOW DARE WE!?

Well I dare. Reagan thought it was a great idea to empty the mental health facilities here in California. Way to go Gipper. Why weren't we outraged? These people aren't bad, and they're not eccentric hobos of the depression era. They are mentally ill citizens of the richest country of the world and we're pretending to grant them liberties so we can use the money it takes to properly care for them on secret government departments who are developing superhuman soldiers. I'm not calling for Victorian asylums. My guess is that with the money we get from all the bottle deposits they're stealing we can afford decent hospitals like the one that Hurley goes to when he's feeling a bit off. We are letting people who need help the most down. When I'm king, this will not do.