Last night I had an odd thing happen to me. I'm calling it PAIS. That stands for phantom ankle itch syndrome. I have no idea why, but it feels like I got some sort of bug bite, but with no swelling or redness at all. Actually no visible signs what so ever. Just an itch that can't be ignored and will not let me sleep. It sucks. I'm betting it's mental in origin, but I really have no idea.
This happened one before and I emptied a benedryl into some hand cream and viola, topical medicine ala McGiver! Last night I wasn't so lucky. Out of benedryl. Sad. I tried like hell to ignore it, but then I got the bright idea to swing over to the ol' Pac-n-save and get me some sweet, sweet, pharmaceuticals. OH NO! Pac-n-save was closed!
Thus began my hour long drug search odyssey in the east bay. My report back to you is this: I could not find a single instance of open retail of any kind at 1:00 AM on a Tuesday morning. If you were thinking I was going to decree away bizarre afflictions that are probably psychologically based, you're wrong. If my power was that strong I'd be way more than king, let me tell you. No, my decree will go like this: If you are a chain convenience store (I'm looking at you 7/11) you WILL BE OPEN 24 HOURS A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK INCLUDING HOLIDAYS. Why? Because if you're going to charge 400% more for beef jerky for the privilege of getting to stand behind the loser old guy who takes 74 minutes to pick out lottery tickets, I'm going to say that's not "convenience."
Now, I won't have to do this in places like New York, because they already get it. They know the value of being open during times that aren't fun to be open, but are a service to your customers. How did Californians get so damn lazy about this? Hell, I've worked all night making a god damn video game that no one really needed, but we can't have all night retail? Also, if you are going to call yourself a diner, you need to never close and have a waitress that will call me "hun."
I know this isn't one of those society changing decrees, but frankly, I'm god damn tired. You never need a lawnmower, ice skate, or sundial at 1:00 AM, but things like beef jerky and over the counter allergy medicine are things that every Marklarian will have available to them as a Mark given right.
Oh yeah, Slurpees too!